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Monday, May 14, 2007

I wrote this hokku a few days ago, when It was raining lightly in the early evening, and everything was fresh and cool and the garden lush with new growth:

"Green" we say,
And yet so many different greens...
The spring garden.


Copyright 2007 
David Coomler


Posted at 01:19 pm by hokku

May 17, 2007   08:57 AM PDT
David--could this be shortened to:

"Green" we say,
Yet so many greens...
The spring garden.

without losing the original meaning?
That 2nd line seems a bit cumbersome. Just a thought.

May 20, 2007   08:29 AM PDT
Chuck asked if it could be shortened. It could be, and I considered shorter versions with a less visually "long" second line, but found I liked the rhythm of the longer version -- it pleased me more, and gave more emphasis to the variations of "green."

Hokku allows this. Once one knows how to write the form within precise limitations, one may then write it as it simply pleases one to write. That is the step beyond learning form and technique. The "rules" then become tools, and hokku becomes an even greater pleasure. But one must be careful not to skip the stage of doing everything with precision. Once that is done, the "rules" then become tools, and hokku gives more joy and freedom.


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